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Never Forget 911

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The Lighter Side....leading off with...

  • New Home(s) for Montreal Expos
  • Washington Senators Game Reports
  • Al Gore Humor on Economics
  • Buffalo Theory
  • Flying Aer Lingus

  • New Home(s) for Montreal Expos - [08/01/03]

    To get a better view of the baseball situation North of the Border, let's look at some scenarios that Bud Selig is operating under.

    1. Short term profits and revenue is everything.
    2. The image of baseball is not an issue.
    3. The future financial viability is not an issue.
    4. Never do anything to offend Peter Angelos (because he will sue you).

    To correct this problem, we change the name of the Montreal Expos to simply the "Rovers" for purposes of putting them in the standings. All of the player uniforms are equipped with velcro on the back so that you can easily change the city name to where ever they are playing. When they are on the road, that is, a city that has an established team, they slap on a "rent this space" ad on to the velcro strip with Selig's phone number under it.

    Think of the opportunities for increasing the TV revenue. Local stations all over the country would love to cover "their local professional baseball team". I can see it now. Come see your own "Boise Bozos" play the Milwaukee Brewers tonight at the Boise High School field.

    The "Rovers" could haul all of their equipment and even their families in semi-trucks rented from Barnum & Bailey's Circus and just travel from city to city.

    Yes sir, let's get this circus on the road!

    Al Gore's Comments on the Economy - [11/22/02]

    Back in September Al Gore gave a speech where he blamed Bush for squandering our projected budget surpluses. Hello Al, were you paying attention? Does anyone remember that the internet boom was beginning to pop at the end of Clinton's term. The economy had expanded for 9 straight years and all of those rosy inflated, fantasy economic projections were based on the continuation of the internet bubble. ...and we know what happened to that. Have another cheeseburger, Al.

    The Buffalo Theory [posted 9/14/02]

    The Buffalo Theory Wisdom from Cliff Clavin of Cheers.......

    I know all of you have read or heard this wisdom before, but I have not seen anyone explain it as well as the almighty wise Cliff Clavin, on the sitcom Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. And here's how it went:

    "Well, ya see Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members."

    "In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine."
    "That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

    Flying Aer Lingus[posted 9/14/02]

    Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night,with Paddy the Pilot, and Seamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.
    "B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how short dat runway is".
    "You're not kiddin, Paddy" replied Seamus.
    "Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy.
    "You're not kiddin, Paddy" replied Seamus.
    "Right Seamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy.
    "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
    "And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy.
    "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
    "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.
    "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
    "And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' yur soul" said Paddy.
    "I be doing dat already" replied Seamus.
    So they approached the runway with Paddy and Seamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Seamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tires and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimeters from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Seamus and everyone on board.
    As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Seamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest runway I have EVER seen in me whole life".

    Seamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how wide it is.

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